Honest Fostering moment here and this is a judgement free zone, by the way. Thanks.

I’ve been wanting to post an update for weeks now, but so much is going on and my heart is stretched. It’s hard to wrap my mind around what reality looks like for us. We are beyond exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Trying to find our new normal the past 11 weeks has been completely impossible. If I were to sit and tell you whats going on around here, I wouldn’t have enough time and you wouldn’t believe me anyway. Being a mom of 4 is a lot. But being mom to 4 children that are 3 and under is even more. My biological kiddos are amazing and so are the twins, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Between the drama that happens behind the scene with our foster kids, to being everything I need to be for all of them, has weighted me down and stretched us beyond our limits. I never would have thought ten years ago that I would be fostering children. As I look those little loves in the face, my soul hangs on Gods promises.

We found out quickly why foster support systems in place are so necessary. We know we serve a God that is bigger than the trials and mountains that are before us and have to trust that God isn’t going to call us to do something for us just to fail. We are living out our purpose even though it’s not the popular thing to do. We have seen first hand how real the enemy is. I completely believe that he hates that his stronghold on foster care is being loosened. The enemy hates what we are doing and God always gives us enough Grace to start each new day!

The hardest thing I’ve encountered the last few weeks is the amount of GRACE I have had to extend. Y’all. It’s hard. Hearing details of the girls’ past. Listening to stories. Accusations against myself. Sitting in court. Legal jumbo mumbo. Even after my heart has had all it could take, I still pray for restoration… even at the sake of broken heart. I look these people in their faces and want nothing more for them to be satisfied in Jesus. I would be lying if I told you this has been easy. I’d also be lying if I told you that it hasn’t been extremely hard. I have not loved every second of this journey. But I have been called to take care of the orphan in this way and we are leaning into Jesus.

And just being real for a moment, the hardest part has been falling in love with two children I did not birth. Had someone told me I would not immediately the love the children that were brought to us, I wouldn’t have believed you. It’s easy to love the unlovable, right? It’s been the toughest and most selfish hurdle for us to jump. I didn’t carry these twins inside my belly and I didn’t have 9 full months to dream of life with them and what they would look like. They weren’t planned. They were dropped off due to circumstances, and we have loved them with all we are as if they are our own. But it’s taken many weeks to fall in love with them… which I wasn’t sure I wanted to because everyone says “I couldn’t do what you do because I would not want to get attached” but in the hardest of days, we praise Him. We are blessed to have these two perfect, gorgeous babies.

In saying all this, we hit a breaking point last week. The stress and busyness of the holidays, along with sick kids, no sleep and no escape, we needed help. We have had a hard time falling into a new schedule and new normal. And it was just time to take some time to step back, refresh and refuel. God always shows up right on time and never a minute late and we were so thankful. He’s always faithful in the details and though I can’t share them all on social media, we are grateful for those who are walking out this journey with us and alongside us. Those people that pick us up when we are down. That remind us of our purpose and why we are doing this… because God will make all things beautiful.

God’s plan for us isn’t always easy. But it’s perfect. It’s sometimes messy. Not necessarily what we had in mind. It stretches us. Molds us. This journey, by far, has been the hardest and yet most rewarding thing we have ever done. I’m grateful that it is extremely hard because it makes us lean into Jesus more and more. Theres just no other way. And we couldn’t do it if it were not so rewarding. These two babies we have the privilege of loving to death, the people we have met and those of you who are on this journey with us as we do what God has called us to do in taking care of the orphan makes it worth it. God loves these sweet girls just as He loves me and my own babies. He laid down His life, took on our shame for us to never be the same. I pray this journey keeps us humble, honest and forever changed.