I still can’t believe that I have a child, much less a growing three month old. Gah! Where does this time go. Everyone says that they grow so quickly and you never grasp that until you holding that sweet baby in your arms.

My heart is so full. Never can I imagine my life without this precious soul. We are laughing now, grabbing our big feet, rolling over from our tummy to our back (and quickly because we don’t so much care for tummy time), and those smiles are constant and contagious. Day after day he changes so much. He listens so carefully, loves bright colors (especially the tv), being outside and is sleeping a full 12 hours most nights.

Being a mother is by far the best role any women can take on. Its so hard yet so fulfilling. Every time I gaze into those sweet eyes my heart cries to be the best example of Jesus I possibly can for him. It’s overwhelming to think this is my job and yet so satisfying to know that God chose me.

My heart mediates on this verse “Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume to him….” Ephesians 5:2

Elijah Stewart, you made a momma and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m so thankful God knit you in my womb to love to death. May I disciple and steward you to know Jesus more and more… to look to Him and Him alone all the days of your life. Dream big sweet boy because God has great things in store for your life! Run your race with endurance and know the love of Jesus early in your days! I love you to the moon and back again…

Gosh!!! where has the time gone???

He weighs 10lbs, 8ounces

He’s 23 cm long

Has 16cm head

Loves to smile, kick his feet and eat his hands 🙂

….

“Every season, You remain… I will enter your gates with thanksgiving and Lord I run into your arms..My lips will sing of your goodness for  Your love illuminates my heart. My lips will lavish praise upon You… For You are Emmanuel… God with us.”

Shaking historically, not because I was nervous or scared, but I think of the medicines and anticipation that the time had finally arrived. How long 9 months quickly arrived. As I entered the operating room, the staff, nurses, etc. were all so gentle, caring and full of love. 80’s music rocked in the background, which of course made me smile. All I could say and think about was where my husband was. Bright lights, freezing cold, blue medical capes everywhere, people hustling… and such a sweet doctor explaining everything he was doing and calming my nerves until my husband walked in (which I later found out he walked in with my insides just hanging out on the outside of me… YIKES!) This, by far, exceeds any other day of my life. As Cliff comforted and smiled at me (and I know he was just as excited as I was), feeling slight pressure on my belly, Michael Jackson’s thriller playing in the background, Dr. McDonough told me I was going to feel like someone was sitting on me and before I knew it I heard that sweet baby cry. There is not a single word that can possibly express that very moment. What was ten seconds felt like five minutes before they came around for me to see my sweet Elijah. As soon as they pulled him out everyone joked at what a big baby he was, which was true! The nurse propped him up, faced Cliff and I and said “take all your newborn clothes back!” As Cliff held him I was mesmerized by his chubby little face and head full of hair. The most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen, of course 🙂

I quickly began to feel sick, which we expected since I normally do on anesthesia, so I couldn’t hold him and could hardly keep my eyes open from the medicines. They cleaned up Elijah and Cliff took him out to introduce him to the world which they fixed me up and took me recovery.

Next thing I recall is waking up in recovery with a nurse sitting by my side anxiously awaiting me to awake to get me back to my husband and sweet boy. She immediately began to hook and unhook me with all those tubes and fancy medical devices and wheeled me down to see everyone. I couldn’t hardly wait to see Elijah and especially Cliff. I entered to a room full of people and as out of it as I was, it was so refreshing to know that they were by our side, supporting us and loving this baby as much as we did.

The second Cliff walked over to me with that baby I began to cry my eyes out. What a miracle. So healthy. Such a gift from my FAITHFUL God! Certain things in life you always dream about- like your wedding day, which exceeded all I could have ever imagined. And the day you become a mother, and nobody can prepare you for that moment. Cliff, Elijah and I sat still for hours starring at each other, as a family of 3, praising God for giving us a child for which we had prayed. I was so out of it from the medicines, emotionally spinning in circles, and tired from all we had been through… but I wasn’t going to let anyone take my sweet boy unless his diaper needed to be changed 😉

The next few days to follow were difficult. Between breastfeeding, which is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. To trying to move around after a c-section because my name is Amanda and I can’t sit still. My nurses were amazing, always there, informative and supportive of whatever I needed at the moment! Trying to learn a new baby, it’s noises, cries, body language and just sitting and enjoying him FINALLY being here!

We went home Saturday and the roller coaster began. Cliff and I walked into the house and immediately looked at each other like “this is real life” and “where are the nurses”…. haha 🙂 Our family and friends are so gracious to us. We came home to a clean house, dinners prepared, welcome notes, gifts and balloons that made our hearts overflow. For the next 4 weeks Cliff and I made a cot on the couch, put a baby in a swing and I swear I stayed up for weeks straight making sure he was breathing, as any first time mom does I’m sure! Every time Elijah cried and screamed (as I learned later is very normal) I think we cried too as we learned him and his behaviors. Trying to balance when he should eat, how long or how much and if his poops were normal and many times we both were like “I don’t know, Google is telling me different things!!!” Cliff and I adjusted after a few weeks and things are starting to fall right into place.

A husband, whom I completely adore. A baby boy that I love more than life. A family a girl couldn’t dream of. A God who is ALL that He says He is and will do all that He promised.

Elijah Stewart Jennings

Born at 4:41pm

9lbs (oh my…)

21.25 long

15 cm round head

Adorable.

His story.

As most of you know we were anticipating a big baby to be here around December 6th. I’ll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant… Good Friday, and yes. It was a good Friday. 9 long months anticipating a baby and an overflowing love that nobody could possibly prepare you for. Cliff and I prayed for this child, waited for God to give us his name that would stand for something great, and did all we could this year to prepare ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

June 27th, on Cliff’s birthday, we found out we were having a boy. Everyone thought from how I was carrying him (at the time), his heart rate, weird gender predictions, you name it- that it was a girl. Which made me smile. Cliff on the other hand was hoping all was wrong. From the moment the sonogram technician told us she saw “boy parts” was another part of Elijah’s story I’ll never forget. The priceless look on Cliff’s face and the joy he had knowing he was having a son was precious. We laughed, cried, imagined what he would look like all while celebrating Cliff’s life that day. So special. What a birthday gift.

After months of me attempting to continue exercising, eating every single thing I could possibly get my fingers on, researching everything you needed for a baby, check list, many doctors appointments, we moved (call us crazy!!), fun baby showers, and many days of Cliff and I laughing and crying together for what is to be expected. We had no idea.

We went to the doctor Monday, December 2nd to see the greatest doctor, Dr. McDonough (and his nurse, Beth) that anyone could ever have 🙂 We went in knowing that the last few weeks my body had not progress even slightly to prepare to give birth, so it was game plan planning time. After we did our last sonogram (you couldn’t even see the guy he was so big!!) they anticipated him to be around 9lbs 5oz so we planned to be induced starting Tuesday evening with a drug they call Cervadil that is suppose to soften your cervix and we were gonna go from there. We left the doctors office pretty quiet as we both were trying to wrap our mind around the fact that we have the rest of the day and tomorrow left as a family of two. I couldn’t begin to tell you what was going through my mind. I’ve dreamed of this day. Girls always dream of the perfect wedding day, which mine was beyond a dream… and the day you become a mommy. The rest of Monday was a blur and Tuesday we spent a rainy day running last minute errands, getting our house together, notifying those we love, me having melt down #1 and I think #2- which were turned into belly laughs as Cliff simply says “Babe, look at Mary & Joseph…they didn’t know what they were doing and Jesus turned out just fine”…. yes. He said that. Cliff also took me to get my nails painted (because he knows what I love), then we went home to pack because we are the biggest procrastinators ever. Anxiety like no other ran me over like a brick truck that night. All I could hear in my head was “I’m about to have a baby and I have no idea what I’m doing”…

We get to the hospital 30 minutes late which I was perfectly okay with and they didn’t seem to care either. Laura was our nurse that evening and she was amazing. I was told by many that your nurse will make or break your experience and we prayed for that goodness. We got right down to business. Laura walked me through what the next 12 hours would look like, signed some papers and the waiting game began. She started me on Cervadil, told me I wasn’t allowed to eat anything but ice chips (yes. ice chips. really?), and hooked me up to a monitor to check Elijah’s heart rate and my contractions. My little booger kept moving so literally ALL NIGHT LONG the alarm to the monitor kept going off because he was running from it. My hubs on the other hand was attempting to get some rest on the worst pull out couch ever and I’m sure I was freezing him to death in the tundra I had going on in that room. (I blame my hormones!)

7am. New nurse, Olivia, came on to join us. She was the most gentle, meek and patient nurse which was everything I needed since my emotions were everywhere. God was so faithful with the details of this day and she was just one example. Dr. McDonough came in about the same time and to much avail, I had barely progressed. Barely- which was just enough for him to break my water. Let’s stop here- I wasn’t sure whether to jump off the bed when this happened or laugh. Its the craziest thing. I felt like I was sitting in a pond. Needless to say, it was humorous for all of us in there. Every time I laughed, sneezed, had a contraction, etc. I felt like my water was breaking all over again…. crazy what our bodies do….

I was started on Pitocin immediately to help my body prepare to get this baby out. Let’s just say that Pitocin is about as equal as the devil in an IV. It’s a satan drip into your body. Painful. My contractions began to get stronger IMMEDIATELY and then they began to overlap each other. I couldn’t breathe, move, my ears were popping because I wasn’t breathing because of the pain, my eyes were watering and I couldn’t talk to respond to anything except for when Olivia came in and asked if I needed an epidural. My answer- YES! NOW! Shortly after I uttered those few words, a 4ft oriental lady came in (she was the anesthesiologist) came in and before I knew it, Amanda was back to normal except my legs were beginning to tingle. The hardest part of getting the epidural was sitting on the bed and trying to hover over with a 9lb baby inside me. It was humorous and thanks to sweet Olivia for her help and patience. The most painful part of it all was the numbing medicine and it felt like bee stings. Thankfully. But on a real note, I had gone into this delivery with my mind made up I was doing this natural with no meds. I quickly realized that I couldn’t be a hero and wasn’t trying to be. I had to do what was best for me at the time… and that was to be comfortable and enjoy this day and it was the best decision I could have made.

11am. I had dilated 2cm. Discouraging, but the day wasn’t over yet. Me, Cliff, Mom and Beth hung out, watching these crazy contractions that I could barely feel 🙂 and before I knew it, 3pm had rolled around. Time to get checked again. As many contractions as I was having you’d imagine I had progressed some… Nope. Olivia called Dr. McDonough and he came right over. I knew where this was going and we all kinda sat around pretty somber until he prepared us for what the next few hours would look like. All I could think was I’m about to see my sweet baby. He’s really about to be here. I couldn’t wrap my mind around all that was going on and my emotions. I couldn’t wait to see him. I couldn’t wait to see what he looked like and how he felt. Completely struck with wonder but so nervous to hear that he was going to get me prepared for a c-section in less than an hour. Cliff handed me a card that I couldn’t read without sobbing. God’s been so faithful to us from the beginning and to see Him lead us to this very moment was so humbling. So thankful God chose me to parent this little miracle. I’m so thankful God chose me to be Cliff’s wife. I’m thankful for His love, grace and mercy….

After I cried my eyes out with my husband and everyone around watching us have our moment, the time had come. It was like an army invaded my room to prepare me for surgery. I was being hooked up to fluids, Cliff is getting his gowns, everyone was shuffling around so quickly. You would have thought there was a major emergency seeing how quickly the staff was moving around. Before you knew it, I was saying goodbye to everyone as they were wheeling me to the operating room to get my baby boy… (to be continued…)

“You go before me,
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me,
I know You love me…”

“My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…”

Today, and everyday, instead of dwelling on my failures, I must immediately look to Jesus because He shows me a better way. In every single area that I fail, which is in every single area, Jesus redeems. He comes into my line of sight and changes my vision from myself to Himself. And He really is the best view. Today, let’s look to Jesus. I know that sounds basic and simple, and yet also really hard at the same time. So instead of dwelling on that, let’s just do it. Let’s drop to our knees and taste His sweet love for us.